Sep 18, 2010

Parenting- Just Keepin It Real

So yesterday was NOT a good day in the Zimmer household. Brad was gone for three days, which is normally just fine, but for some reason, this week was just an "off" week. Ya, I'm pretty sure I'm not the only Mom who has had this. Right? I hope?

I have three beautiful, intelligent GOOD kids. I do. I know that. But for some reason, my 4 year old enjoys wreaking havoc on me. I really haven't figured out why yet. When I do I will let you know. I think yesterday was the culmination of the whole week and it just broke me down. We went out for supper with my husbands family to celebrate his parents 45th wedding anniversary. My nephew (who is the same age as Miss A) was also there, and it literally broke my heart to see how much his mother was enjoying him and laughing at the things he was saying.

Afterwards we got in the van and I just broke down. I WANT to enjoy Alayna, but right now she is making it so hard for me, and it makes me feel absolutely horrible. So after the supper, I had to suck it up for a while as we went to his parents for cake. I'm sure many of you have had that experience of choking back the tears while putting a nice fake smile on your face.

After we got home, I lost it. I just want to see her in the mornings and be excited to see her, not dread it because the instant she wakes up she starts whining for something to eat. And then when I don't have what she wants to eat, she throws a tantrum. I prayed last night that God could just give me one whole day of her in a good mood so I could see what a great kid she really is. I know it's in her, for everyone else, she is great.

I see all of these blog posts about how incredible their kids are, and the funny things they do, and it really tears me up. WHY does she have to be so difficult for me? She has made me question myself as a parent, and whether or not I even WANT to be home anymore. It just sucks because I really do love being home, and as stressful as daycare is sometimes, I DO enjoy it. We had fun creating things this week, and learning. But I also don't want to feel like running away by the time Friday rolls around, ya know?

So, I guess the point of this post is to see if there are others out there dealing with a difficult child, what your thoughts are/tips you have, etc.

I am just one tired mama....

14 comments:

Zein said...

Don't feel guilty Cara. Children are a trust from God for a good reason... they're not always a walk in the park, and the parent is the only one who can stick it out with his/her child.
When behavior is the problem I would advise to look at changing something, ie: give her more control in some areas of her life, tell her she will go to bed 15 minutes early if she's not in bed on time, or take away her crafting for the day if she whines. On the other hand, maybe a week of sticker incentives to praise her good behavior will get her act better.

The Borchelts said...

Oh, honey.

My oldest is a challenging child. I tell myself that he will be a wonderful adult, that all the things that make him so hard to deal with as his mom will develop into amazing traits in the rest of his life. But it is hard a lot of the time and it is rare that I have a day with him that just feels like fun. Then I feel guilty if he's not around and I'm just having fun with his siblings.

A is your "difficult angel". We learn things from people who are difficult for us that we can't learn from those who are easy for us to get along with. This is true throughout life, but harder to remember and accept with a child whom we are emotionally tied up in.

Keep keepin' it real. Hugs.

Ingrid said...

Hi, Cara! I just stumbled on your blog and read your post.

Just wanted to let you know you are not alone. I have twins as well as a singleton. Very often I feel that same way about one of the twins. He's 14 and he makes it very difficult for me to like him which in turn makes me feel like a rotten parent. I love him but often don't like him. As you said, with others he's a respectful, sensitive, and good young man but at home he drives his dad & I crazy. We know why but can't get him to realize that we love and think he's as wonderful as his twin & younger sister. Yes, the problem is his twin. Anyway, I just wanted to tell you to hang in there and that most often people will tell you their kids are prefect and blah, blah, blah but don't believe 'em. Everyone has issues and they're just doing what we all do, putting on our best face & trying to survive! :)

Hope you have a GREAT weekend!
~ingrid

shannon i olson said...

so sorry, we are well past the 4 yr old age now. You run a daycare? Perhaps all the commotion makes her feel like your not there for her, even though you are. Do you get much alone time away from the house? a mother daughter date?
strong willed children are difficult, they need firm boundaries which do not make them happy but do help them thrive. Relax, prayers for God to calm your heart and bring joy to your relationship. Also for your strength during the temper time to do what is right. Soon she will be 21...really! mine is and I remember at 2 we could not and I mean not go out to a store without leaving with her being so naughty we were terribly embarrassed. We had to let her cry it out, about ready to pop from our own stress of the situation. she is an awesome young lady, even was through her teens...but 2-3 yrs old.....oof!!

Cara said...

THANK YOU!!! To each of you for your comments, you really don't know how much better I feel knowing that I am not alone in this:)

american girl primitives said...

Cara,

Don't beat yourself up, you're not the only one. It sounds like you need a real break. Time for a little mom time. Try being positive even when she is being difficult. My son falls into this category, he is my more difficult child. I would also recommend you read the book "Have a New Kid by Friday" Dr. Leeman

Best of luck,
Carey

Beth Eaton said...

Cara, I just blogged about this exact thing and I totally feel for you. I did get a lot of encouragement from my comments and things have slowly been getting better since we are trying to change our parenting style. It honestly beleive that what works with one child may not necessarily work with another.

Here is the direct link to the post if you want to read some comments.

http://thepatchworkchronicles.blogspot.com/2010/08/my-loss-of-fullfillment-this-is-quite.html

Hang in there! Someday we'll look back and see that this was just a small hill and not the mountain that we see it as today!

MM said...

I have an award for you!
http://msenplace.blogspot.com/2010/09/awards.html

The Daily Smash said...

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Hopeful Homemaker said...

Of my eight, two of them can be tough to deal with. They're the two that I sometimes brace myself for interaction with. And yet... they have some amazing strengths, and I am often reminded that one of the reasons I feel stress over them is the fact that I am weak in the area of relating to their personalities. So I just keep trying, practice smiling at them as much as possible, and try hard to find something worth complimenting so I can reward them with positive attention instead of giving them attention for their negative behaviors.

I think we all have times like this. Hang in there! You're doing better than you think.

Le Chateau des fleurs said...

Sweetie! We all have horrible kids! At least i do! LOL. I so understand! We all have bad days. I have to tell you my kids are really hard. They wine...Sometimes they drive me nuts and i cry too. My son stopped winning non stop when he was 5! One day i said...Oh he doesn't wine anymore...
My baby wines a lot, especially with my hubby. Because he never says no. So, she is the worst with him.
Just hold on...The hard time will pass. It is ok to say no and let her do her tantrums...
I think God knew how strong you are and send her to you because you would take care of her and do a good job. I think you are doing great. sometimes i just get out of the house with my 3 year old and we go play and build good feelings and memories. I am so sorry and i know how you feel. Always share. This is what blog land is about.
Big hugs
Frenchy

Natalie Catherine said...

i saw you started following me so i stopped by....and i seriously loved this post..you are so real and so honest!! so refreshing in the blog world... that said.. i'm praying for you girl! and i have a 2 yr old right now who majority of the time is a little sweetie but she is learning to express her opinions more now and i'm not sure if i'm ready for that!! i have had the same rough nights where you are like omg...how did i end up here! but then i just remember and i encourage you in this as well... that God has a plan for you and for me and gave us these little ones for a reason! not sure how spiritual of a lady you are but just wanted to pass that a long.. hand in there.. i'm sure you are an amazing mama... and you'll get through this rough time!

Rainy Day Farm said...

Hang in there, I have a two year old that is very demanding on our whole family. The fact that he is cute is the only thing that saves him some days. Just remember that most of the time it is just a stage and they grow out of it.
Try making a list of the positives and focus on that. That helps me a ton.
Good luck.

Mandy said...

Hey Cara,

Good post! I thought that I was the only one who felt like this sometimes. My daughter can be really difficult sometimes.

What I've begun to do is have periodic "girl days" with just she and I. We plan to be together that entire day doing whatever fun activity she chooses (usually pottery painting, pedicures and lunch). It helps us get out of our "rut" and reminds me that I really can have fun with her truly enjoy her company.